What I learned from a big disappointment - Do NOT Expect!

What I learned from a big disappointment

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed”

                     -         Alexander Pope

Do NOT Expect!

Well, I learnt that the hard way.

Expectations are difficult to live up to. It doesn’t hurt that hard when you expect something from somebody else, but when you are expecting something from yourself and you fail, it stings like hell. Expectations lead to hope and extinguishing hope leads to disappointment, which is hard to handle.

I have been practising the Korean martial art Taekwondo since the last 8 years and I hold a Black Belt. I will not boasting if I say that I AM good. One should know when they are actually good and when they are being overconfident. Ever since the first Taekwondo tournament that I participated in, I have won medals in every single competition, except one. That one tournament taught me the fact that one should never expect anything from anyone, especially from himself, rather just go with the flow.

I had always been good at Taekwondo. I used to train hard during the classes. When tournaments were round the corner, I would train harder even on days when there was no class. It’s just that when you take things for granted, they start falling apart.
It happened in the 24^th National Taekwondo Championship 2010. I had participated in two national championships before that and emerged as the gold-medallist both times. So, I was pretty much at the apogee of my career, and that is precisely when the devil strikes – when you are at your most vulnerable. It seemed that everything kept on coming to me the easy way, that I didn’t need to put that much effort to achieve them. I paid less attention during classes; my concentration started wavering during training. I didn't seem to notice the decline in my performance. 

But expectations don’t care about your attitude towards the task. They just depend on how you have been faring in the past, and I had a pretty good track record. So, everyone was expecting another successful championship, even me. But results don’t care about expectations; they consider the training and abilities. So, eventually, I ended up going down in the semi-finals, with a bruise on the left cheek and an internally bleeding finger. 

It’s not that I hadn’t got hurt before, but this time it hurt worse than ever. It was because of the losing factor, I guessed. I had lost to someone whom I had defeated three out of three times in our previous encounters, and losing to someone against whom you have a perfect record, that too because of poor preparation and overconfidence coupled with not being able to live up to expectations, is just too big a disppointment. 

My parents, teammates, even I was disappointed with myself. More importantly, my coach was disappointed. I could see it on everyone’s faces. I knew it was my own fault. I had sabotaged this tournament. I got the bronze medal as a consolation though, but even that didn’t seem right since there was no 3^rd-4^th place bout; both the losers in the semi-finals got the bronze. 

It was not just the losing part that pinched, but the fact that I had not been able to live up to the expectations. When you go in with full preparation, you have a chance at the top position. But even if you fail, you are still satisfied that at least you gave it your best shot; the other guy was just better than you. But when you go in like this - unprepared, overconfident – you are bound to eventually fail, maybe even to a rookie, and then handle the disappointment.

But I also knew that it was no use regretting what had already happened. I had to show everyone that I had still not lost my mojo; I just needed to train hard.

Again.

And so I did. Yes, it took some time, but I did bounce back. By the next nationals, I was ready. This tournament was important. Not only because it was the biggest tournament after the last disappointing one, but also because it was the 25^th National Taekwondo Championship – Silver Jubilee. Also, there was the silver lining of the treat that our coach had promised for anyone who won gold. I was confident, but still had some doubts as to whether I was ready or not. Eventually, I won the tournament (one of the bouts ended in a KO – I am really proud of that one).

So this way I learned that expectations are not good for anyone. One should not EXPECT anything from anyone; just do what they must without thinking about the end result. This keeps everyone from disappointments.

“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you are not in this world to live up to mine.”

                     -         Bruce Lee